Sad Truths by Rod

• 2012-04-05

  

  I am looking. But I don’t see. I exist. But I’m not here. I speak. But I don’t hear. I touch. But I don’t feel. I am alive. But I barely feel it.

• 2012-04-04

  

  I have an obsession with wanting to be thin.

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  I’m feeling anxious because I’m seeing my therapist tonight and it’s the most excruciating 45 mins of my week. I just sit there, I’m so uncomfortable and I’m expected to spill my guts and reveal all the pathetic, crappy reasons why I’m abnormal. I know I need therapy.  I just wish I didn’t need it. It confirms that there’s something wrong with me. 

• 2012-04-03

  

  THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY

  Rainy days meant for staying inside and reading

  Taking naps outside when the weather is nice

  Walking through the woods

  Curling up with a good book

  Snuggling

  Spending time with my pets

  Going for road trips and long car rides

  Listening to my favorite music

  Reliving my childhood by watching shows and movies I watched as a kid

  That nice clean feeling after a shower

  Taking pictures

  Drawing

  Sketching

  Painting

  Making jewelry

  Scrapbooking

  Eating something really yummy

  Christmas morning

  Halloween night

  Getting presents

  Giving presents

  Making people smile

  Making people laugh

  Going to the movie theatre and the drive-in

  Going for walks at night

  Getting compliments

  Reading

  Writing

  Rollerskating

  Working on my sticker collection

  Decorating my bedroom

  Going to bookstores

  Going to video stores

  Having money

  Getting piercings

  Going to concerts

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  I love you too much. I am beginning to believe that you don’t care enough. 

  Our love will never be 50/50. 

• 2012-03-15

  

  Don’t worry about a thing. ‘Cause everything little thing gonna be all right.

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  I’m leaving with a heavy heart

  Source: chicagotribune.com

• 2011-10-05

  

  I feel bad about feeling bad.

• 2011-10-04

  

  I’ve got style. Miles and miles. So much style that it’s wasted.

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  I am not trying to seek attention from my friends. But it would be nice to know they actually care. Like yeah I know they care. But do they truly? Do they ever worry about me? Do they ever wonder what is truly going on in my life, in my own mind. How I have been with my depression and anxiety. If I have been struggling with being suicidal? Do they really even care about any of that? Who knows. Because they don’t ask. A simple how’ve you been is obviously not going to get me to tell my deep feelings. If they actually know me they would know they would need to push me to talk. Push me to answer questions that are hard for me to answer. Maybe they don’t want to know. Who knows.

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  Had a break down today. A panic attack maybe. Idk.

• 2011-09-27

  

  I can’t explain it but I have an irresistible urge to go glow bowling now.

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  So many words seething across synapses. They solidify, smolder then perish. Erasing themselves as they go, because they know before I do that the fear would magnify as each phoneme passed past my lips. I have so many questions, and a succinct explanation to follow.

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  As you’ve no doubt discovered, becoming a Christian does not make your problems go away.

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  I’ve been sitting here in a towel (because I just took a shower) meaning to get dressed and make myself something to eat for 1.5 hours now.